therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
