I cannot find my penis.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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