If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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