if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
