So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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