It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
