Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
