I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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