White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
