He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
third nipple confirmed
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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