wakey wakey hands off snakey
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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