Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
