I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
