This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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