You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
