My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
