I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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