The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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