when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
