sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
