The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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