I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
