I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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