I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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