sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
