I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
