O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
