If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
