Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
