Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
