Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
