OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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