how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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