I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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