Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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