Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
