Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
