Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
