Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
