So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
