So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
it's like heaven, but drunker
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
