I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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