i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
