bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I forget how to act sober
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
