I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
