I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I need to sanitize my soul.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
