I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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