what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
