I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
