I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
