Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
