Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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