ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
