Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
