can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
