She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
