Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
