So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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