thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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