Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
