You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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