Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Someone came in the potted fern
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize