just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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