I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize