Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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